“Brad Pitt, Bono need your help.”
If ever there was a call to arms. Brad Pitt, Bono, I answer your call. I will help you, and I’ll tell you why. When I turned on my TiVo tonight and saw on the main screen that you need my help, I selected that menu option because I’m sympathetic to your needs, Brad Pitt, Bono.
I watched the 3 minute black & white feature (black & white tells me this is serious) in which you and, lo and behold, other celebrities informed me that they, too, are in need of my help. I marvelled at the grayscale tones of Salma Hayek’s face, at the gritty visage of Benicio Del Toro, each participating in a round-robin delivery of your message. I enjoyed seeing George Clooney, too. I like his films with Stephen Soderbergh (who was not featured. Perhaps he was unavailable, because I’d like to help him as well).
You all informed me that poverty will be solved, with my help, and that — as Tom Hanks’ endearing voice intoned (what mic did you use? It’s very nice) — you don’t need my money, just my voice. I went to your website to learn more as a special behind-the-scenes featurette played. At the end Bono, presumably watching the message I had just seen on a monitor, broke into applause along with the film crew surrounding him. Job well done, Bono!
As I read your website, I can’t help but feel that you told a fib to me, endearing voice of Tom Hanks. It says here that you need just 1% more of the United States’ budget allocated toward U.N. Millenium Development Goals, among other things, to wipe out poverty. Isn’t that my money, the money you said you didn’t want, Tom Hanks?
Cameron Diaz, I’m fairly neutral about seeing you in this campaign, but did you know that Bono (he’s the lead singer of U2, a popular rock band) wants to direct more of our taxes to the U.N.? (It’s okay, though, that’s not really our money.)
Oh, I see that wristbands are available to help support the cause, just like those cool yellow ones. Good thinking, Claudia Schiffer. I can wear one of these wristbands to voice my support for your program! What’s that? They’re $1 each? Well, that’s pretty cheap. I guess it’s worth $1 of my money to give a voice to your message to President Bush as he goes to the G8 Summit. I bet the twins will each get one, and one night at dinner he’ll ask them, “Say, Jenna, that’s a smart wristband you’ve got there. What’s that all about?” …
Well, I lost my train of thought somewhere around the time the twins came into the picture, and to tell you the truth that white wristband doesn’t seem like it’s right for me, Brad Pitt, Bono. I figure this blog post is worth about $1 of publicity. I want to thank you all for your attention to this serious problem; It’s really a load off my mind to know that so many great celebrities are not only concerned about but working on this poverty problem. Good luck to each of you!
June 24th, 2005 at 2:43 pm
Wow. Great points made and wonderfully written. Well done!
June 27th, 2005 at 6:13 pm
I’ve a better idea for all those wanting to further “Development” in the new millenium.
Study your income/expenditures to determine what sum of money you can contribute to such an initiative.
Obtain this amount of money as for-real, cash folding money.
Flush this folding money down the toilet of your choice. It has as much of a chance of furthering “Development” this way — in the off-chance that it will clog up some pipe and thus give some plumber or other technician a job to attend to — as it will if you give it to the U.N. to “manage”.
Sit back and bask in the glow of your contribution.
July 5th, 2005 at 11:14 pm
Cheap cynicism, dude. You’ve successfully ignored the issue that might be buried in the efforts of those pretty people. Congrats!
July 5th, 2005 at 11:57 pm
Chris: I am pretty cynical when it comes to celebrities pandering for my help to fix world poverty, and even more cynical when it’s done under false pretenses, as is the case with this campaign. Their slogan, “We don’t want your money, we just want you” (you can see it plastered across the top of the London stage here) is a lie, plain and simple.
From the web page: “Global Concerts to Fight Poverty” — are you people serious? Chris, I’m sure these pretty, talented people have their hearts in the right place, but this whole production is pointless. Do you think the Pink Floyd reunion show sparked ten million conversations about poverty, or ten million conversations about how great of a band they were? Dave or Roger can talk about what a great cause it is between songs all they want, and the crowd will woo and cheer, but really, who’s listening? The net result is a lot of happy fans and a lot of back-patting after the fact.
If the Celebrities of the World want to make a difference they need to find a true leader among them and hold a Celebrity Party Convention/Concert Extravaganza in 2008 to get him/her elected.
July 6th, 2005 at 10:03 am
I was ridiculing the idea of all of these pretty people asking for our pretty money …so that they could give it to the U.N.
Flushing one’s money down the toilet that is the U.N. would be nothing short of tragic. If you want to “make a difference”, make a donation to a charity or shelter in your local area — that way you can follow up with them and maybe even donate more than just money (e.g., time, clothing, canned goods, etc). I just don’t buy the steaming shovelful that the United Nations is poised to be the savior of humanity.